Life and life itself

I need to write about this. I need to remember this.

You will first lose something then only will you cherish it. This theory is most applicable to our precious life as well. On day to day basis, we have pushed the limits of not doing the safest bet for ourselves. We just don't. Human beings can be such a pain in a way that we tend to be ignorant of what's the best for ourselves, and go out of the way to push certain limits.

As I try to recall what happened this afternoon, the ambiguity that surfaced in my memory seemed to have wiped out what I tried so hard to remember.

It was the most inappropriate moment to read a text message.

Her hands were on the steering wheels when a mobile phone beeped along with a new message coming in. She knew for sure where the text came from and thus, shifting her focus to the phone while driving. I don't think this girl was that good at spelling "dangerous" at that time. That was when she noticed that she would miss a turn in the next 10 seconds if she did not switch to the left lane immediately. What's so ignorant about the driver was, she did not consider the factor that it was raining and the water has created the pool of grip-less slide right in front. There was also a cab right behind her car within close distance.

So, she stepped on the brake to slow down the car before she intended to slowly put on a signal and shift to the left. However, the weather and road condition seemed to ignore her intentions, lifted her car slightly above the ground and spinned her all around.

For one moment, she wasn't so sure anymore, if it's the world that spinned or the car that did. Then, the moment of confusion triggered her assumption that everything would happen just like in the movies when the car flipped and the driver got smashed against the windshield without airbag. What might come along with the package, could also be a bloody face, with permanent scar on the face, and she would ran away from the public and live alone forever.

When the car was pushed in such strong momentum, the wheel ran over the curb before it bumped over the other side of the road where traffic flowed in opposite direction. She couldn't believe it was happening so, she waited to hear a big "thud" or "bang" or other cars honking. Perhaps, the car would flip upside down. Fortunately, none of those happened other than the few thuds when the car bumped and slided over the big curb. She frantically observed her surrounding and noticed that there are no cars around at that time. That was definitely very lucky of her.

Once she has cooled down, a car started to put on a right-turn signal and turn into the lane where the car was landed. Without further ado, she slowly drove her car forward to the far right corner where she stared ahead in such absurd numbness and sat for 10 long minutes not knowing what to do.

Nothing's wrong. The car was fine. She was fine. The whole radio was bumped in such force that has unloaded itself from the dashboard frame. Then, her mind wandered off to think about her awesome evening plan ahead.As her thoughts and excitement picked up, she ignited the car engine and slowly drove ahead to continue her journey.

What's wrong with me?
Where is my fear?
Why isn't there any emotions but mere surge of adrenaline?
Is this "the" wake up call for me to re-evaluate the value of life?
Will I remember this forever or never?

This is my second time cheating death, by having such horrible accident in a scale that have taken other people's lives but not my own. Will I get lucky again for the 3rd time? I will not let this happen.

I would remember this as a good lesson learned. But what I wasn't sure is, how long will I store this in my memory. Will I be able to change my lifestlye/personality/mentality/habit drastically to avoid this again?

Trauma doesn't stay more than 2 days. Something is wrong with me. I can't feel. Can you?